貓鎮的小公寓
Where Hui & Little Cat Dwell

是一種能量
潛在最深的地方 當(你)到達的時候才釋放的出來的能量
一股無形的力量推著你往那個方向
你無法自行前進 也無法倒退 因為在你抵達以前你並不知道自己在往那兒走

當你不知不覺發現你陷入其中 你已經看不到後路
無法思考 無法呼吸 無法容入第二個想法
你只想陷在裡面一輩子再也不要想其他的事情

能量會累積
能量需要被釋放
如果能夠 是幸福的
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地毯, 衣櫃裡的地毯, 大到可以走進去的衣櫃裡的地毯, 又重見天日了.

去年十月以後, 進衣櫃就像是在進行一場障礙賽. 找不到睡衣, 找不到游泳衣, 總是只找到一隻襪子, 行李箱一直攤在臥室裡. 在連想要穿的內衣都找不到的那一天, 我終於還是覺悟了. 把自己關在衣櫃裡三四個小時把表面看得到的衣服鞋子褲子襪子所有可以收可以整可以丟的東西都處理掉. 看著掛的整整齊齊的毛衣, 吸塵器可以安全拖過的地毯, 心裡開心的想著, “啊, 又向前進了一大步.”

表面清乾淨了, 卻在一個, 以為只有我自己的睡衣睡袍運動服的抽屜裡, 抓出了兩條男人的, 上面印著飛人喬丹的, 運動短褲.

有點怒. 有點躁. 有點無奈. 把它們跟著連捐也不能捐的舊衣服一起丟進超大的黑垃圾袋裡.

很不情願的被往回拉了一點.

沒再碰還沒整理好的抽屜.
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天氣晴.

真的.

好一陣子沒看到傍晚深紫色的天空了.

所以要從雲層裡探個頭出來跟大家說聲嗨, 在天空又變成灰色以前.

最近常聽到有人在介紹, 因為你愛我, 這首歌.

其實妳知道最讓我在電腦前面發怔的是哪一段嗎?

看陽光在閃耀  看你的背影  你不過離開十五秒
回頭看看我  你的微笑  我怦然心跳

今天, 發現其實自己總是處在打帶跑的狀態中, 對未來沒有什麼規劃;
今天, 鋼琴老師說他很想念十一年前的今天過世的母親;
今天, 很想喝珍珠奶茶, 很想一直講中文;
今天, 突然很有寫首小詩的念頭;

今天, 心跳的感覺一點也沒有減少.

雖然明天又會下雨, 至少我知道, 有些事情還是不會改變的.

癡癡盼望了兩個多月的新沙發終於送來了!

但小貓還是原來的小貓的啦! =^.^=

“I am happy for you.” she said.

I wish I can say the same thing to her. I really do.

What does it take for us to know it’s time to let go? Does it always have to involve something very painful? Can we really learn from other people’s experience, or do we have to taste the bitterness ourselves before it’s too late? Will we ever learn?

What does it take for us to cherish what we have? Does it always happen after we’ve lost something we took for granted, or something we held on so dear?

Bob Dylan’s song is playing in my head tonight, again and again.

Are the answers really blowing in the wind?

All I know now is, I feel very fortunate to have what I have now. I’ve worked on myself so hard to get to this place.

And I hope you will one day feel the same way.

Then I can say to you, from the bottom of my heart, “I’m happy for you, too.”

雖然並不想閉關, 但情勢所逼不得不犧牲一下…

但我們今天終於 出 關 了!

兩天前還在水深火熱鬧脾氣痛恨自己做出修課的決定, 今天考完又是一尾活龍等著下學期開學. (誰還記得期末考週的痛苦啊? 誰啊? 誰啊?) 下學期閉關的時候大家記得提醒我一下不要讓我身邊的人又遭殃了… *慚愧中*

最讓我擔心的鋼琴鑑定考竟然不知道怎麼的就混過關了, 聲樂考試聽說 (聽老師說) 也是大受好評. 耶~ 現在該是大肆慶祝認真上班的時候了. 晚上應該有人做飯給我吃, 然後還要去久違的電影院看個電影… 啊~~~

好久沒有這種, 期末考完以後, 對自己感到很滿意很輕鬆的心情了! 耶~~~

Mon.: Take-home exam due, diction; Final exam make-up, piano proficiency part 2; Final exam, sight-singing
Tue.: Jury rehearsal
Wed.: Final exam, music theory (at 7:15am. !@(#$&^)!(&)
Thu.: Jury exam, voice (need to dress up, need to memorize lyrics in Italian and French, yadi yadi yada)
Fri.: Final exam, piano proficiency part 3; Final exam, dictation

And you would think that I will have to spend the whole weekend cramming on these stuff.

But no!

Fri.: Chick Corea concert at Yoshi’s
Sat.: Tori Amos concert in Oakland

And lots of shopping to do, chores to take care of…

*breathe* *breathe* *breathe*

nobody knows, nobody sees
nobody else understands me like he
now that i know what true love means
i just hope he stays with me

where do we go, who knows?
but each day gets better
i just can’t let him go, oh no
each kiss gets sweeter
i just can’t leave him, no

“I am very happy right now.” I said to Dr. B this morning.
“I know.” She responded.
“Is it that obvious?” I was amazed.

And she gave me a look that says, “Duh!”

“Do you think you are able to be on your own for awhile?” She later asked.

“You were sent to the emergency room; you just left critical care; your physical therapy hasn’t even started, and you want to run again?” She pressed on, with a motherly smile on her face. A smile that says she was just telling me what she needed to say.

A bit timidly, I told her, “I think I will be fine on my own, but I really don’t want to test that right now.”

She continued to smile and shook her head.

“Well, I’m also happy because of what I’ve achieved!” I tried to explain. “I feel that I’ve done something that makes me feel really good about myself.”

“You did very well.” She nodded.

“It’s not just about what I’ve achieved, actually.” I said, after pondering for a few seconds. “I was so happy to see you, my coworkers, and my friends at the concert that night. You are all very supportive and you all like me! I never get this kind of support from my parents.” I said, suppressing my tears.

“Well, a lot of the time it’s cultural. Your culture is not very emotionally expressive.” Dr. B reasoned.

“And my work environment is changing, too. I feel that with more responsibilities, I might be able to make some difference this time.” I continued. “And I think it’s really good that I can keep a comfortable, not-so-stressful job and go to school at the same time.”

“I’m happy for you.” She nodded.

“I’m happy for myself, too.”