貓鎮的小公寓
Where Hui & Little Cat Dwell

雖然並不想閉關, 但情勢所逼不得不犧牲一下…

但我們今天終於 出 關 了!

兩天前還在水深火熱鬧脾氣痛恨自己做出修課的決定, 今天考完又是一尾活龍等著下學期開學. (誰還記得期末考週的痛苦啊? 誰啊? 誰啊?) 下學期閉關的時候大家記得提醒我一下不要讓我身邊的人又遭殃了… *慚愧中*

最讓我擔心的鋼琴鑑定考竟然不知道怎麼的就混過關了, 聲樂考試聽說 (聽老師說) 也是大受好評. 耶~ 現在該是大肆慶祝認真上班的時候了. 晚上應該有人做飯給我吃, 然後還要去久違的電影院看個電影… 啊~~~

好久沒有這種, 期末考完以後, 對自己感到很滿意很輕鬆的心情了! 耶~~~

Mon.: Take-home exam due, diction; Final exam make-up, piano proficiency part 2; Final exam, sight-singing
Tue.: Jury rehearsal
Wed.: Final exam, music theory (at 7:15am. !@(#$&^)!(&)
Thu.: Jury exam, voice (need to dress up, need to memorize lyrics in Italian and French, yadi yadi yada)
Fri.: Final exam, piano proficiency part 3; Final exam, dictation

And you would think that I will have to spend the whole weekend cramming on these stuff.

But no!

Fri.: Chick Corea concert at Yoshi’s
Sat.: Tori Amos concert in Oakland

And lots of shopping to do, chores to take care of…

*breathe* *breathe* *breathe*

nobody knows, nobody sees
nobody else understands me like he
now that i know what true love means
i just hope he stays with me

where do we go, who knows?
but each day gets better
i just can’t let him go, oh no
each kiss gets sweeter
i just can’t leave him, no

“I am very happy right now.” I said to Dr. B this morning.
“I know.” She responded.
“Is it that obvious?” I was amazed.

And she gave me a look that says, “Duh!”

“Do you think you are able to be on your own for awhile?” She later asked.

“You were sent to the emergency room; you just left critical care; your physical therapy hasn’t even started, and you want to run again?” She pressed on, with a motherly smile on her face. A smile that says she was just telling me what she needed to say.

A bit timidly, I told her, “I think I will be fine on my own, but I really don’t want to test that right now.”

She continued to smile and shook her head.

“Well, I’m also happy because of what I’ve achieved!” I tried to explain. “I feel that I’ve done something that makes me feel really good about myself.”

“You did very well.” She nodded.

“It’s not just about what I’ve achieved, actually.” I said, after pondering for a few seconds. “I was so happy to see you, my coworkers, and my friends at the concert that night. You are all very supportive and you all like me! I never get this kind of support from my parents.” I said, suppressing my tears.

“Well, a lot of the time it’s cultural. Your culture is not very emotionally expressive.” Dr. B reasoned.

“And my work environment is changing, too. I feel that with more responsibilities, I might be able to make some difference this time.” I continued. “And I think it’s really good that I can keep a comfortable, not-so-stressful job and go to school at the same time.”

“I’m happy for you.” She nodded.

“I’m happy for myself, too.”

Your hands lie open in the long fresh grass, -
The finger-points look through like rosy blooms:
Your eyes smile peace. The pasture gleams and glooms
‘Neath billowing skies that scatter and amass.
All round our nest, far as the eye can pass,
Are golden kingcup-fields with silver edge
Where the cow-parsley skirts the hawthorn-hedge.
‘Tis visible silence, still as the hour-glass.

Deep in the sun-searched growths the dragon-fly
Hangs like a blue thread loosened from the sky: -
So this winged hour is dropt to us from above.
Oh! clasp we to our hearts, for deathless dower,
This close-companioned inarticulate hour
When twofold silence was the song of love.

- Dante Gabriel Rossetti

又是連著好幾天沒睡飽, 可是精神還是很抖擻的呢!

學校的 jazz choir 昨兒個晚上完成了學期末的表演, 好多朋友們都來看我, 真的好開心耶!

等我們拿到錄音以後我會再放上來的.

現在要去寫功課了… :P

: a cooperative relationship (as between two persons or groups)

今天小小的傷心了一下下, 在三四個禮拜沒傷心過以後…

傷心, 是替自己; 想到自己曾受了多重的傷, 重到現在只要一遇到要等電話的狀況就會開始不由自主的焦慮起來…

即使等的不是你的電話, 即使電話中溫暖的問候可以讓我的心暖上整天整夜, 讓我相信有一天我會不再焦慮.

不小心看到你登入 msn messenger, 就像偶爾你的信還是會寄到家裡來一樣; 心裡沒有太大的波動, 只是想著, 我還以為你這輩子不打算再上 msn messenger 了呢.

早就把你的電話從手機裡刪掉了;
今天起你也不在我的 msn messenger contact list 裡面了;
要你還的鑰匙也別麻煩了; 我今天已經把鎖換掉了.

一直都是這樣, 總是我自己去把事情處理好比等你做來的快些.

我實在不知道你帶回去那麼多照片要怎麼處理, 我想你大概也不會把它們還給我; 那麼就請你收藏好, 當作是對我的尊重.

Yosemite 也不用再去了. 沒有意義了.

我現在過的很好, 似乎是我這輩子最快樂的時候; 你知道這對我來說是很難得的, 我們在一起的時候我常常都不太快樂的; 我有我的新的生活, 你也有你的; 已經是兩條平行線了, 不會再交會了.

所以就這樣吧.

Goodbye.

Dr. B 說, 人似乎在極度的痛苦中會特別的有創意.

這陣子寫東西的頻率慢慢降低了, 不知道跟這個說法有沒有什麼相關性?

很少在這兒提到跟工作有關的事情, 不過今天想放張辦公室的照片…

讚吧? 熬了七年多, 今天終於熬到可以搬進有風景的辦公室了.

這幾個禮拜來很快樂. 雖然事情多的不得了, 覺也睡不夠, (好像已經連續兩個禮拜幾乎每天都睡不到六小時) 但是我好快樂.

家裡的東西慢慢在整理, 等著十二月新傢俱送來; 學期近尾聲, 各式各樣的活動跟考試讓我這個老學生重新溫習了一下當學生的壓力; 終於遇到了一個願意讓我唱歌的拉丁爵士樂團, 這兩個禮拜跟鋼琴還有貝斯手練習了兩次, 下禮拜就得跟全團的人一起練習; 即使事情一大堆還是沒事就跟朋友們出去玩, 去海邊, 去山上, 去公園, 去看歌劇, 去打撲克牌, 去遛狗, 玩到只能三更半夜撐著眼皮練鋼琴; 以為需要關起來療傷好一陣子的心也意外的動了起來…

生活中的很多面都有一個嶄新的開始; 而我, 好久, 好久, 好久, 沒能這麼大聲的說, 我, 真的很快樂. 我現在真的很快樂!